no longer ashamed

Today I took the kids on a playdate with the children of one of my closest friends. The kids really do enjoy each other's company, but really the playdate is between me and my friend. We would do it even if the kids didn't get along, so BONUS for us that they do. She and her family just recently moved into a beautiful vintage victorian house in the absolute perfect location in the town in which we both grew up.

She and her husband are financially secure, and this house cost more than 2.5 times what mine did. I saw it on-line before she closed on it, and I knew instantly that I would love it. It is exactly the house I always dreamed about. Totally vintage, with all the details and the woodwork, and the beautiful leaded glass, but it's been re-habbed and is modern and beautiful to today's aesthetic as well. They moved into the new house in early January, and this was our first visit to the new place.

I was hesitant to go. I love my friend, and we always have a good time, but I didn't want to go see my dream house and have it not be mine. I was upset at myself for being so shallow... for letting myself feel like a "have not" when I truly do have so much. I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way, but I knew I couldn't put it off forever, so I went to the house.

You know what? It is beautiful. It is more than I thought it would be. There is so much more to it in person than the pictures ever could tell. It is completely my dream house, and I love it 1000%. You know what else? I did not, and still do not, feel one pang of jealousy. I actually found myself to be overcome with feelings of happiness for my friend. It's obvious that she loves that house, she is excited to be there, has so many plans.... and honestly, out of all the friends I have, I can't think of a single one who deserves good things more than she does. Just out of pure karma, I guess.... she's the one that I would root for in almost any contest.

I surprised myself today. I am no longer ashamed of myself. No, I will never own a house like that, and yes, it is still my dream house; no doubt about that. But my feelings of joy for my friend were so great that I didn't even think to be jealous, if that makes any sense.... I just feel so contented, and that's really something.