it's not all sweetness and light

I am an optimist. I try to look at the bright side, I try to focus on the good things. I try to be grateful for what I have. As such, I realize that my posts here on this blog tend to be about the sweet and silly moments more than it is about the frustrating and disappointing ones. Today I am so frustrated and disappointed that I have to write about it.

Today The Babe came home from school and she wanted to make banana bread. Making banana bread is one of the things that The Babe and I have been doing together for a long, long time. It has always been something that I considered special, a fun thing for me to do with my kids. Making memories as much as we are making bread. I held it close to my heart. We haven't made banana bread in a while, so even though the bananas we had on hand weren't quite ready, I agreed right away. The Babe was very excited. She rushed to wash her hands and eagerly brought me her apron with her name on it to help her tie it on. And then The Boy pipes up. He wants to help make banana bread, too.

Now, the tradition of banana bread started before The Boy was old enough to help. It used to be something that The Babe and I did, just the two of us. But, certainly The Boy has been old enough to help for a while now, and he has joined us on many a banana bread adventure before. Of course he can help. Climb on a stool, grab a spoon! But then there's The Babe. "I don't want him to help". She looks right at him and says "You're not invited. We don't want your help." The Boy cried. She made him cry, and it was so sad and heartbreaking to see his little moment of joy at the thought of banana bread melt into tears rolling out of his big blue eyes. It was just as heartbreaking for me... all my positive thoughts and feelings about this little family time I thought we had all appreciated just crumbled into bits, squashed on the floor.

I realize that what The Babe was really looking for was some special 'Mommy and me' time, and that she just didn't want The Boy to intrude. I don't think she really meant what she was saying in the sense that she was trying to hurt The Boy, more like she was just trying to protect what she wanted. But it doesn't matter. The impact was the same.

We made the banana bread. I told The Babe that I enjoy to make the bread with both my children, and they are both invited to join in - always. If they choose not to join one time or another, that's fine, but they are both always invited. I told her that The Boy wanted to help, so he certainly could. She chose not to join us. She would rather pout than help. The Boy and I got about halfway through when The Babe decided she wanted her turn to mix and stir; and I let her, because she's always invited, but it was not the same.

Perhaps it's just this one time that is tarnished... perhaps we'll make lots more banana bread in the years to come, and perhaps it will still turn out to be one of the things my kids remember fondly from their childhood. I hope it is. But for me, a little bit of the magic was taken away today, and that makes me sad.