wondering...
I am wondering what it might be like to have more children. I love my kids. It's nice that we have one of each, a Babe and a Boy. Their age difference is pretty ideal. They get along really well most of the time. They are thoughtful and considerate, well-behaved little gems. I love them dearly. I love our family dynamic. We are a content group. Four seems to be a good number for us.
But....
My husband and I are taking a vacation next week. Much needed. We will be leaving The Kiddos in the care of Gramma L. I realized today that the last time we had a vacation, The Babe was about the age that The Boy is now. Not exact, but almost. Wow. For some reason, that really hit me. I think it is because I thought of her as so big, even back then. Does that mean I have to admit that The Boy is so big now? He went to his gym class without me, and was FINE. He's big. I should just deal with that and move on.
Many of my Gardening Mommy friends are pregnant, and when I hear about doctor visits or pregnancy talk, a part of me wants it to be me. I want to experience all that again... even the yucky parts. I feel a bit jealous. This week, a fellow Gardening mommy had a baby girl. She talked about taking the baby home from the hospital and I felt really remorseful that I don't have a baby to care for. I love the teeny-tiny infant stage so much, even the no sleep and the constant nursing. I miss it and The Kiddos are SO BIG now (did I mention that?).
But, we are a happy group of four. I have been digging deep and thinking hard. I honestly think that while I enjoyed the experience of being pregnant and I long for a teeny baby to care for, I don't really want another real live person in this house. Let's face it, that teeny baby will grow up, too.
I will just have to be content to hold the babies of my friends, and then go home to my perfect family of four. And you know what? I am content. Things here are just right.
posted by erika @ 10:33 PM
8 Comments:
It took me months of looking at 'Cilla and saying "somebody has to be the baby" before I got over it. Now, I'm content, but it was really hard to accept at first.
(((hugs)))
I know how you feel. There are times I wish I had a new little one to snuggle and hold but the family is complete as it is. But that does't make it any easier.
You are welcome to come over anytime. Although, they are not itty-bitty anymore!
I love little babies. I think we're done too though. I keep thinking if we have another I'll never have a vacation again.
I know exactly how you feel...its a difficult soulsearching decision to make. "Baby Tingles" are hard to resist when you love that newborn stage!
I too had that perfect little family of four & you know the decision I made....along came baby #3!! Yes, I caved to those yearnings & never regreted it.
That being said you've gotta do what feels right for your own family.
I can still smell that smell. Yep, I can still *not* say I'm done, even though I know we're done. Of course, there will be the fostering for me. Otherwise I'll have to go around sniffing strange baby's heads, not sure how popular that would make me.
Those thoughts are why I am holding out hope for a couple more babies in a few years. I don't want to face the day when I "know" I am done, so sad.
Maria and I kept sniffing the head of this delightful little baby at this Easter party last Sat.. oh that smell alone can get your eggs a poppin'! Talk to me mid-November and see if you want another! ;-)
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