the line is a dot to me

I have always believed that all my toys and dolls have feelings. From my earliest memories, I just knew that my belongings had emotions and thoughts. I can not seem to throw or give anything away because of this. As evidence, I offer you the boxes and boxes currently residing in my basement, full of my toys and dolls from when I was a child. I have faithfully moved these boxes from house to house, and yet I do not open them. Suggest to me that perhaps I should go through them, give some things away... and you'll send me into a panic. I could not possibly part with these things. It's irrational, and it's weird. It's borderline just plain wrong. But, you see, these are the things I loved as a child. I believed in them. They belong with me. Nevermind that my husband has no such boxes in our basement and he seems to be perfectly fine... I am convinced that I need these things, and *they need me*.

Probably the worst movie for me to ever have seen is Toy Story. That just re-enforces all my ridiculousness. I had almost gotten to the point where I could maybe have been persuaded to give some things away, maybe to a shelter, so some needy children could also love these things of mine.... and then I saw Toy Story 2, and how poor Jesse never got over her owner giving her away. I cry through that whole scene every time. It just makes me believe that everything I believed as a child is really true. I wasn't wrong to assign thoughts and feelings to all my inanimate objects... they really do have emotion! Crazy, I know.

I am struggling with this more now that my children are bigger and I have many baby items that I should donate. I have a basement full of bouncers, swings, pack n play, and countless small infant toys, none of which are being played with; but none of which I feel I can part with, either. Crazier still, I know. But, my kids loved these toys, and now I have odd emotional attachments to them, too. Cuckoo, Cuckoo, Cuckoo.....

So, today, I drove through McDonald's for a nice healthy lunch (ha!) for The Kiddos. The Boy got some toy that he had gotten before, one which, once he opened it and played with it he announced he didn't like - it was no fun. He got that toy again today, and I didn't even show it to him, it still sat on the counter in it's plastic. Seeing as how the one we already have is sitting on the shelf, not even being looked at, I decided we certainly didn't need two. I threw the new one in the trash.... and I've been feeling bad about it all day. That poor toy! It never had a chance to be loved, it just got tossed away!

OK, so I've always walked the line between sane and crazy when it comes to things like this. But today I fell so far over the line that, to quote Joey Tribiani, "The line is a dot" to me. I felt it happen, I know I am so far past the line now that I only hope I can get back to the safe level of crazy that I was this morning. Maybe this was the kick in the pants I needed, and I can finally start bundling things up for charity. I'm feeling good about it today. But, check back with me in 6 months and ask me how many boxes I still have...