lying
What do you do about the lying? He's just 3. He lies about stupid things, and he always gets caught. I want to punish him, I want him to know that it's wrong to lie, but I don't actually know what to *do*.
The Babe never lies. I swear. Even when she knows she's wrong, and she knows there will be some trouble, she'll look at the floor and very quietly tell you the truth. What this has meant is that she gets a small lecture on why what she did was wrong, but she is rarely actually punished, and she is so good that she listens to your lecture and takes it to heart. She almost never repeats the same offense. So, I am new to this whole lying thing.
The Boy, however, is a different story. He is defiant. He doesn't listen. And, he does lie. Today it was as silly as asking me if he could be excused from the table. I was in the laundry room at the time, and I asked him if he had eaten his whole sandwich, to which he answered "yes". So, I excused him from the table. I finished what I was doing and was distracted by something else, meanwhile The Kiddos are quite busy playing. It was probably a full 30-45 minutes later that I walked into the kitchen to see 2/3 of his sandwich still on the plate. So, I lost it. I know it's a small lie, but he lied just the same, and it's been so frequent and I am just sick of it. I yelled at him and I sent him to his room. He cried all the way up there and I told him he had better be quiet, too. I didn't want to hear it. I spent the next few minutes calming myself down and then I went in to speak with him.
I asked him why he lied to me, and his answer was that he didn't want to finish his sandwich. I told him if he had just told me the truth, that he was full, we could have worked out a deal; but that since he lied, he has made me very angry with him. I told him he can always tell me the truth, no matter what it is, and that we will always be able to work something out. He said OK.
But still... honestly, I am at a loss. What do you do? How do you stop a 3 year-old from lying? I know it's small stuff now, and it's easy to catch (I mean *come on*, if you're going to tell me you ate your whole sandwich, at least give it to the dog or something so I won't find it); but I don't want it to be a pattern. I don't want him to lie to me down the road about something that really matters... I want to nip it in the bud now.
ideas? advice? anyone, anyone? Buehler? Buehler?
posted by erika @ 3:03 PM
4 Comments:
Pete is the same way. He'll lie about eating the sandwich IN FRONT OF ME - so I look at him and say "but you didn't eat the sandwich, you're lying". So far it's not been about anything big so I'm not too worried, it seems like they are pushing their limits to see what is acceptable and what is truly wrong. If it is a bigger lie, like "I didn't hit David, it was the dog", then he will get a time out and I will remind him that there are always consequences when you lie!
(((HUGS)))
We're dealing with this, too. N sometimes will lie to your face when you can see when he's saying it that it's a lie. I've decided that at this age, they want what they say to be true and they hope by saying it, will make it true. I really think it's a fantasy/reality blurred line kind of thing. But, I still punish for lying. In our house outright lying gets a spanking because I need him to understand just how *bad* it is to lie to me. We talk about what the lie was, what really happened, I label the misbehavior (i.e. 'lying' not 'fibbing', or 'storytelling'), I explain that no matter what he has to tell the truth, because I will never be as mad about the truth as I will about a lie. I've even been known to be super lenient about punishment when the kids tell me the truth the first time even though I know they're afraid or embarrassed and told them it was because they told me the truth especially when it was hard. Like you said, no matter what, you can work something out if he tells the truth, but lying really ties your hands. ((Hugs)) They sure throw us for loops just when we think we have the whole parenting thing down.
We are struggling with this as well. I am having a hard time explaining the differences between lying and "fake-believe"**
(**in reference to a TMBG song)
It is something we are dealing with as well, on a fairly limited basis. I agree with what you did and what Kimberly does. Just keep up the reinforcement of truth versus lieing. Yet another hard lesson we have to teach our little ones.
Buehler?Buehler? LOL
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