life in general

I bought the green Crocs. See? Green wasn't even on my original wish list, but when I saw them, I knew. Green. Beautiful, bright, lime green Crocs. The Babe picked out pink for herself (surprise!), and I picked out a nice bright blue for The Boy. Now we all have Crocs, and I thought we would get made fun of in a serious way, but it hasn't happened yet. Of course, we haven't all been seen wearing them together, either.

I can put the Crocs in the dishwasher to clean them. I laughed out loud when I read this, but it seems they will need to be cleaned more often than I thought. The kids both wore theirs outside while helping Daddy plant small bushes, shrubs, and trees. It was a damp morning, a little rain. So, the Crocs served their purpose and got a little muddy. I did not put them in the dishwasher, but I relished that I could wash them in the sink. What a great shoe!

On another topic, The Babe and The Boy's favorite aunt and uncle are moving to Portland, OR. They leave on Thursday. The kids are sad. The Boy doesn't really get it, but The Babe does. I was upfront with her about it, but I don't know how to explain it nicely. We really don't know when we'll see them again, so I am avoiding putting any sort of time frame on anything. Of course, being vague is just not good enough for a 4-year old... I am avoiding lots of questions about it.

I realize this is all just random crap. I saw that I haven't posted for a whole week, and felt terribly obligated to put something out there... Perhaps I will be more inspired tomorrow. The Babe has ballet, and I will be able to go get a chai. That always helps.

the real reason i can't sleep

Have you seen the April 24 cover of Newsweek? "Why Women Can't Sleep" is the cover story. It shows an exasperated woman sitting in bed holding a crying baby while the husband appears to be sleeping beautifully right beside her. I saw this cover and I thought how dead-on it was.

My husband sleeps like a log every night. I have actually found The Babe at his side of the bed, calling "daddy? daddy?" trying to wake him, and he doesn't budge. I, on the other hand, hear The Babe as soon as her feet hit the floor next to her bed. The Boy is still being "monitored", so I hear his every move, and I am in his room in a heartbeat if he is having trouble sleeping. I work until midnight, and I get to bed around 12:30 am most nights. While I'll admit that it is my dear husband who wakes with the children in the morning, letting me "sleep in", I will always maintain that I get very little sleep. I am awakened too many times during the night for it to be at all restful. In fact, I sleep my best sleep between 6:30 am and 8:30 am, when I know everyone else is awake, and I feel I can be truly "off-duty".

So, the Newsweek arrives with this picture on the cover, it appears to depict my life exactly, and I am thinking I will really love this article. That I should show it to DH and explain to him why I am tired and crabby. Well, despite the picture that is my life, the article itself doesn't explain anything that pertains to me. Dammit.

Last night, I couldn't sleep. I was restless in bed. My short periods of sleep were filled with dreams in which I needed to decide. When I woke up each time during the night, I pondered the question at hand. I went back and forth, back and forth. Red? or Pink? Which one should I get? What should I do? Red goes well with almost everything, well, except in summer time. Pink would be better for that. So should I get red? or pink? I dreamed about it, I stressed over it, I lost sleep over it.

What color Crocs should I buy?

That's the real reason I can't sleep.

outside

Well, the weather is nice. So I guess it's time to admit that the outside of my house looks icky. Not the house itself, of course (at least I don't think so), but the yard needs serious help.

Normally, the outside of the house is my husband's domain. Yard work is in his contract, not mine. But, making things pretty is in my contract, so I have some work to do.

I started with a trip to the Home Depot on Thursday. I have 2 flower boxes for the back deck, and I wanted 2 more for the front porch. I also have 2 urn-like planters on the patio by the pond. So, I needed to buy enough dirt and flowers to fill all of those. Well... here's where I have no sense of anything. I bought what I thought was a big bag of dirt, but it was not nearly enough. I bought what I was hoping would be enough flowers, but there were far too many. idiot.

So, on Friday, The Babe and I were planting the flowers in the pots when I realize I have too many flowers and too little dirt. The Boy was busy running all over the yard yelling at the birds. You should have seen me scrounging in the garage for any kind of pot that I could use as a planter... luckily, I had enough old pots. A last minute trip to Costco for more dirt and we have SO MANY flower pots all over the yard and front of the house.

I guess it looks pretty, so I did my job... but man, it's way more than I bargained for.

Maybe next year I will remember this. Probably not.

time warp

When The Boy was an infant he was a nurse-a-holic. I nursed him forever. It was easily a 2-3 hour nursing fest each night to get him to sleep. This was especially frustrating to me, since I work from home in the evenings and am expected to be on-line and available during the time that The Boy simply would not stop nursing and fall asleep already. My dear husband wisely reminded me at that time just how awful I felt when The Babe no longer fell asleep in my arms, that she had grown and didn't need me in that way any longer. I took this reminder to heart, and started to appreciate the time with The Boy that the marathon nursing afforded me.

Well, it's been almost exactly one year since The Boy has been weaned. Even before he stopped nursing, he rarely fell asleep in my arms any more. It's one of those bittersweet moments of motherhood. Look at how big my child has grown! But at the same time, where is my baby? All of you who have been through this know exactly what I am talking about.

This past Friday, I got to have a time warp. For whatever reason, The Boy was unusually restless in his sleep Friday night. He woke up whimpering, I would go to calm him and he would seem to fall asleep. 20 minutes later, same thing. Then 10 minutes later, same thing. I finally realized that perhaps a change of scenery might do him some good. I took my sleepy boy from his big boy bed and we sat in the same rocking chair in my bedroom that we used to sit in every night before bed time. The same rocking chair that has gone largely unused for about a year now.

Something about it felt like home. It felt so right to sit in that chair with The Boy in my arms. No, he wasn't nursing, but it didn't matter. I held The Boy in my arms and slowly rocked as he fell asleep. I listened to him breathe, and I heard his breathing change from awake to asleep. Once I knew he was asleep, I held him in my arms like that for a long time. Treasuring it. Who knows when that will happen again?

As I carried The Boy back to his room, I completed the ritual that used to be ours every night, and mine and The Babe's before that. I walked past the mirror and looked at the child in my arms. I used to do this nightly to see if I could tell how much he had grown in a day. Did his legs hang lower? Did I need to carry him differently now? As I walked past the mirror Friday night and looked at The Boy, he was, just for a moment, an infant in my arms again.

I miss holding my children as they fall asleep probably more than any other part of their infancy. While each new day brings a new joy, a new accomplishment, it's rare when we get the time warp, and the opportunity to go back. It was a pleasure, one that I will carry with me always.

happy easter!

Well, today was the dreaded Easter Egg Hunt that I helped to organize on our block. I am happy to report that it turned out well! The older kids had a blast, the middle kids collected zillions of eggs, and the babies had fun gathering a few for their baskets as well. More importantly, the neighborhood showed up, drank coffee, watched the kids play, and generally had a good time. I am glad I was a part of it.

Afterwards we visited family. I enjoy visiting family, but it sure can get tiring. That, and I don't eat too well. By around 3:00 pm, I felt so gross from eating nothing but junk all day that I just wanted to lie down and be done with it all. Not gonna happen. I did feel better after eating some real food at Easter Dinner, but it is currently 11:30 pm, and I still feel a bit icky. Not too much longer until bedtime.

But, it was a good day. The Babe wore an old Easter dress of mine, and she looked adorable. Not only that, but I think she enjoyed the idea of her wearing my old dress as much as I did! There's something sweet about that. The Boy looked quite dapper in an argyle sweater vest of pale greens and blues, with matching socks and tan pants. Ahhhh... the joys of parenthood. I think I spent most of my day hoping that my kids weren't sneaking too much candy and feeling ill. I think it turned out well. I had two very tired little children at bed time, hopefully they sleep well.

Happy Easter everyone!

sunny and warm

Today is a beautiful day in our neighborhood. It is sunny and 76 degrees. We have been outside playing all morning, and I have found something that The Boy loves... bubbles!

He got a little tykes bubble blowing puppy thingy for his birthday in February, and today it made it out of the packaging. Ohmygoodness! He just loves bubbles!

This should be a fun summer! :)

maybe i am qualified - who knows?

Things are looking up today. It seems I may be able to help my friend in need, afterall. It seems my input might be relevant - at least more relevant than I thought it would be. I am happy to be able to help, and happy that she is asking for advice, and even more happy that she is listening to all the advice being given and thinking things through, and making sound decisions.

Was that a run-on sentence? LOL.

At any rate, what I am saying is that it is so hard to watch someone you care about go through something so awful and feel totally unable to help. Now that I feel I am helping, I feel better. And seeing how she is taking everything to heart, being reasonable and thoughtful makes it all the better.

phew! Things might just work out!

the babe as a ballerina

Ballet was good. The Babe was excited to get dressed into her special pink tights and special little leotard. I had bought a pink thing to put in her hair, it's like a little cover for a bun, so we did that too. She was excited about her pretty ballerina hair, and made me promise that we'll do it for every class.

When we got into class, there were about 7 little girls and some of them started running around and playing in the dance room. The Babe stood by me, but when I told her she could go play with the other girls, she ran off without hesitating. It was sweet to watch the little ones all dressed in pink, enjoying the dance room with the mirrored walls, discovering how they looked as they moved.

During class, I stayed in the waiting area and read a magazine. Every once in a while I would peek in the room to see what they were doing. Once, I caught them doing plies... The Babe sits all the way down! Later I saw them standing on one foot and placing their other foot by their knee. The Babe was not very good at this, but she looked like she was having fun. I don't mind if she's not good. Heck, I don't have the best balance, either. I just want her to have fun.

The Babe seemed to have a very good time and is excited to go back. She wore her leotard and tights all day. When her daddy asked her to show him what she learned in class she said she couldn't because her feet were too slippery. She wouldn't do any of it unless she had her special slippers on, LOL. She is very cute, and I think she likes it very much.

old friends, part 2

Remember my post a while back about old friends? Well, today I heard back from the friend I had emailed, and I am so happy.

It felt really nice to catch up with her, and to answer the questions she had about me, too.

She and her family will be traveling to our area over the summer, and we have planned to meet up. No details yet, of course, but I am really looking forward to seeing them.

Hooray!

a bit about the boy

I've been writing a lot about The Babe lately. Kinda makes you forget I also have The Boy. bad mommy. Here are some cute things The Boy has been up to lately:

The Boy loves recycling. Isn't that funny? He takes all of daddy's empty diet coke cans to the garage door, all the while yelling "door! door!" to get one of us to come open the door. He steps into the garage and places each can into the recycle bin. He repeats this until there are no more cans on the counter. Then he starts in with the yogurt containers, and the milk bottles, etc... until there is nothing left.

I think we have a budding environmentalist on our hands, and I couldn't be more pleased.

He also has a new fascination with Thomas the Train. As a birthday gift in February, The Boy received a Thomas train set made by the Lego/Duplo folks. He loves this train set. The first time I set it up, he sat in the middle of the track, with the circle going around him, moving the train along and saying "choo choo! choo choo!" over and over. It was very sweet. Yesterday after the bath, The Boy was watching PBS Sprout, and what should come on but the Thomas the Train show (which we have never watched before. The Babe was never too into it). He runs to the living room where his train set is boxed up and starts yelling "choo choo! Mommy! choo choo!" He's very insistant. I go to him, and there he is begging for me to let him play with his Thomas train set. So.. 10 minutes before bedtime, do I really want to drag out a whole mess of Legos? You betcha! My little fella was just too cute to turn down.

unqualified

Sigh. Did you ever have someone close to you go through something so horrible, that you couldn't even imagine what they must be feeling? And then, that person asks you, point blank, for your advice? And you feel totally unqualified to offer up anything?

That's how I feel today.

I cried for this person. Literally cried. In front of my children. What she is dealing with is so incomprehensible to me. I am overwhelmed by the fact that she asked me for help and advice. I am flattered that she trusts me with such details of her life. I so... want to do right by her and offer up something profound and life altering. But I simply don't have that knowledge. I'll do my best. I'll be supportive. Hopefully, that is enough.

Today is a bad day.

approved

Well, our mortgage guy proved to me that he's a really nice guy. Besides being patient and explaining everything to me at least twice... besides calling me back really promptly every time, besides just being plain old pleasant to deal with... he submitted our forms for approval on Friday afternoon and then stayed late, on a Friday, so he could give us the results before the weekend.

We've been approved!

I actually was concerned about this because we chose to roll our current equity line up with the new mortgage for one lower payment, but obviously a higher loan than our current one. I felt we were already pushing that income/debt ratio as is, so I wasn't sure they would approve the higher loan.

But, I guess we are good for it, LOL. As I mentioned before, our credit rating is excellent. Plus, we have no other debt. No credit card, no car loan, no student loans... we're just house poor. Really, quite house poor.